Testing Poetry

Edited by Thali Dunami - 03/Oct/2009 at 1:51am

Beru - I remember a couple of your poetry threads before and as I have said before I always enjoy reading your poetry. They are always meaningful and straight from you heart. We do all feel that at times and poetry always seems to bring out exactly what is on our mind at the time. I cannot wait to see a happy poem from you, but then again it just wouldn't be you would it? Very nice dear I loved it.

Berutiel, your work reminds me of my own, spur of the moment, random thoughts, anything is possible. But it is a beautiful journey and both of your pieces where a pleasure to read. Particularly this last one, very thought provoking through your rhetorical questions, very intriguing indeed. Your opening piece is very strong and powerful, it seems to soar on wings. Well done, I'm glad you have decided to share work with us, I look forward to reading more soon!

Not completely sure this is appropriate for V-Day...but...I like it.

Darkness falls, night winds sigh
The Undead walk with piercing cry
Mother’s hold your children tight
Do not go wandering into the night

For just outside the village gate
The Undead with their hunger wait
For the wayward and the straying child
And the young man, brave and wild

Your blood they’ll drink it right down
And weave your hair in to a crown
Upon your bones they’ll play such tunes
To make the village matron’s swoon

Your skin they’ll flay to leather strips
Braid it cruelly into long whips
Its your very soul they crave
To soothe their hate and dance on your grave

So bolt your doors and be afraid
Do not accept the daemons trade
Prepare yourself, retreat in fear
The gate is creaking, they are here

Beru - Dear all I can say is *Sigh* that valentines Day poem was beautiful. I know I read it before you had posted it, but I had to come back and read it again as that is absolutely my favorite poem. It goes well with so many people on Valentines Day, but more so it's dark and surprisingly famaliar. I can't help but read this more then once or over and over again. I loved it truly loved it. I can't wait to read more from you as your poems are truly who you are and those are the kinds of poems I enjoy reading the most. Well done m'dear

Boy, am I late for reviewing this poem of yours *g*  Yet, as they say, better late than never, no?  In this new poem, now, am I correct in guessing that you have taken us on a little trip through time by the way that you described the different weapons?  Or maybe that's just my nutty little mind seeing that.  Either way, I really liked the way you described that, as well as the fact that this form of poetry, is definitely for you, hon.  I'd actually be quite curious to know what you would title this poem, based on the body of it, which by the way is very well crafted and reads wonderfully.  Good job, Tiffster .

that i like Berutiel your latest, is great, confusing, is there ment to be ryhthm because there is a great one. i like the rhyme also. great poem's even if they are a bit dark, but great. i can't which is my favorite. they got no titles. but. congrat's.

Yay Tiffers dont know if I had read this one yet. Nope you didnt give this to me on msn anyways, I love this one it does relate to you alot. Haha actually i'll find that out here shortly when I had down there *winks* Anyways your poems have always said something about you and they are a very interesting read. I know I should start doing my own but bleh to much posting anyways keep up the good work I love coming in here and reading other's poetry. 

Spurhelm- Yeah, I'm not usually big on titles, but I'm glad you liked them anyway.
Ciarda- As always, your words are welcome *g* and I think it also is a good title. Hope's a good thing right? lol
*pokes Tari 1* I wanna see somma yours, whoop whoop!
*grins at Tari 2* Wow...this is bazzling...rofl...I'm glad you liked Outcasts, it was fun to write. Here's another with lots of repetition...I seem to like it for some reason. This one is old, I'm not sure if I've posted it before or not *shrugs* oh well.

My Heart

 

My heart has gone
’tis flown away

My heart has gone
to save the day!

 

My heart has gone
to sandy soil
My heart has gone
where blood does boil.

 

My heart has gone
with fatigues pressed

My heart has gone
his sins confessed.

 

My heart has gone

I miss his face

My heart has gone
with measured pace.

 

My heart has gone
his breath is cold

My heart has gone
my grief untold.

 

My heart has gone…

Ciarda- *huggles* and here, for when you get back *g*

Bury me deeply
‘tis all I pray
Below in silence
In shadow’s fey 

Lament me softly
And do not mourn
Death is my reward
For being born 

Carry me swiftly
To mountains breast
In a simple grave
Allow my rest 

Cover me firmly
Don’t leave a mark
For me, ‘tis enough
Eternal dark

Lightning
Streaming ribbons of burning light
A sharp snap awakens the night
A lonely figure on rounded hill
Fearless and tall and standing still.

 

Burning embers, roaring flame
Beautiful flash, put fire to shame!

 

A spoken chant, unworldly voice
A shivered fear, unearthy joys.
A jolting flash--
A sudden crash

 

Burning embers, roaring flame
Beautiful flash, put fire to shame!

 

A Warrior’s Death

A sword was thrust with mighty speed,

And yet was turned, then came again

A feral light gleamed from maddened eyes

The battled waged for hours on end.

The hero stumbled, wearied unto death,

A black sword sprang into his breast.

His guttural cry rang through the night.

With his death, the women did weep,

And his warriors charged the gates.

In the darkness he was avenged

His body carried home in triumph.

                A funeral feast that day was made

His favored horse turned free.

At his feet lay cloven shield

And shattered spear was in his hand.

His eldest son, the blue eyed boy

Held his sword in browned hand.

Near his bed his wife stood bent

Her grief ravaged face on her son

Who stood nearby, rosy cheeks wet

And in the stillness they did cry.

                At last they came, four noble thanes

To carry him down, to lie with his father

Into the darkness he was borne,

His fair hair dimming to clear silver

And his once golden face pale and white.

In the darkness four torches burn

The thanes return, so silent

The wailing women quit their cries

And young Haléaf stood alone

“Here lies my father, a warrior proud.

Let him now rest in peace,

Until his spirit rejoins us again.”

                The ritual complete, they shut the door

And turn back to the village.

The feast awaits and mugs of mead.

Toasts will be said and many songs sung

Of the glory and the valor of the fallen.

But all alone lies the warrior

And all alone weeps the son.

In his heart, young Haléaf knows

The joys of living and the pain of death

And one day his father will come again.

A silver moonlight roof above
A gleaming heart full of love

Hand in Hand
Heart in Heart

 

Walking midst a forest glen
Unabated joy, love undim

Hand in Hand
Heart in Heart

 

Whispered words of towering emotion
I love you...the greatest devotion

Hand in Hand
Heart in Heart

 

Forever...

I had no clue you write poetry Firi!

23/July: Written in such simple words and yet so beautiful! I like how the 'Hand in Hand ...' gets repeated so often. The soft words you choose (whispered, forever, silver moonlight) make it, like Meta said, dreamy and romantic.
30/Aug: I think to the reader of this poem, it becomes clear that the topic means something to you. What I love is the story-telling style of it and that you describe mainly the sadness. You only wrote a few lines about how he died, but many about how people mourn over the warrior's death. In a nice, but sad way this shows that glory found in war comes with great sacrifices.
25/July: Gosh, this poem is even sadder than the last one! How you describe his eyes as old, even though he was only eighteen, makes it clear to the reader that he has seen a lot in his short life. What is also well-done, is what the boy says. The speech makes the scene more realistic.
11/June: Your writing style is quite unique, freond min. So many of your poems seem to be about death. What's different to the other two with this one is that death doesn't really come with sacrifices here, but with peace. To me it seems as if with your poetry you're telling us not to be scared of death, as it is unavoidable, a path everyone has to take sooner or later. The unique thing about your poetry, is that its as if death is better than life. That death finally brings a peace life can't give you.
My Heart: Again, I like the repetition of My Heart. It gives the poem kind of a lyrical flow. And it also is like the My Heart accompanies the poem like a heartbeat. This creates a contrast to the other words. The poem says the heart has gone, has become cold etc., which lets one think the heart has died. (died as in not finding joy in life anymore, not as in dead and burried in a graveyard) So even though the heart seems to be dead, it's still beating on and on. I think this gives the reader something to think about. Great work!
23/Feb: Another poem that describes the darkness of war. The history you go through with this poem is quite thoughtful. (first weapons like swords, than m-16... well, I dunno what latter one is actually, but it sounds like a modern weapon... *hopes she's not babbling nonsense*) The poem addresses a rather sensitive topic, war for a god. I think war for that reasons are kind of stupid (well, all wars are kind of stupid in my eyes) but it still something that has importance for many.
3/Feb (OP): I think it's wonderful how the third line in each verse contains a repetition. It gives the poem a 'whispered' feeling. Like your most recent poem, this one has a dreamy feeling to it. Though this time more thoughtful and not romantic.

You've got some good poetry in here. Keep it up!

Firimar ~  Your poetry is astounding. So simple and eloquent light and yet dark. I can't often say this with everything I read but I actually like nearly all the collected works here. But I pick my favorites just as with anything else and mine of your poems have to be the first that was posted on Feb. 4, 2007 and the V-day poem. It reminds of something I'd write for the occassion. This last one is again, to close to something I'd have written long ago. I like the form you gave it, to me that gives it a little more depth and makes me feel the poem more.  What can I add other than I can't wait to read more?

DinUinen- Im glad you like my V-day poem. It's one of my favorites, even though it needs some revising to make it flow. It sums up completely my feeling towards V-day. This last one I wrote a while back, I had thought, originally, never to post it, as its very personal. But it seemed time, and I think I'm glad you like it.
meta- I'm almost sorry it made you sad, but I can't be completely, as it's meant to touch people. As I said earlier, it was written a while back, and the last one I had written for a long time. I thought today, to see if I could still write at all  and this is what I came up with...

Life is before me, death behind

The great world lies at my feet

Taunting me, my destiny to find

Not looking back, I step

                Onto the street

 

Oh, the glory, the sound, the scent

Of a thousand falling leaves

Coloring the air, where people, bent

Huddle together, still

                Under the eaves

 

Sunlight dapples the very earth

Golden rays on emerald grass

Calling me, a glorious rebirth

As the dawn fades to dusk

                At each sun’s pass

 

Tell me, o tell me, can you see

Each brilliant fire, shimmering

In a darkness, deeper than the sea

Each dancing star

                Sweetly they sing!

 

Walking on, immersed in the night

On the horizon beyond

O iridescent sun, orb of light

Luminous colors bleed

                Into the dawn

 

Daybreak before me, night behind

All the earth, beneath my feet

Calling me, whispering, “Come and find”

Without pausing, I dash

                Onto the street

I never want to post anything I write, and I'm not sure why I do. So I at least somewhat understand not wanting to post them. I'm glad you posted it, made for a good read. These last two are very good as well. Such vivid imagery, I couldn't tell you which I like more. They remind me so of something I might write. Meh, at least would if I could.

Firi: So sorry for not coming in here again sooner, freond min! I know I told you I'd stop by ages ago, but I gotta admit it kept slipping my mind.  *really isch sorry* I haven't got the time to review all your newer poems, so I'll just choose one for now.

16/Sep: I love this one! The start of it is already spirit-awakening, with the life ahead, the world lying at your feet and the destiny to find. It's one of those writings that make feel sort of restless and adventurous. The second and third stanza seem to be describing the 'life ahead' (which in my interpretation means 'day ahead' here... The 'step onto the streets' make this feeling even stronger as usually people go out into the streest during the day) of the first stanza more. Well, in fall leaves are dying, but the way they get coloured and fall down is lively and pretty. The sunlight and emerald grass are also lively and cheerful.
The fourth and fifth stanza on the other hand, are to me a more in-depth descpiprion of the 'death behind (and again, my interpretation would be that it means 'night behind'') How you describe it with the stars (fires and lights) is a beautiful description. You managed to describe day & night in a truly wonderful way here! What I also love about the poem, is that it's like a neverending circle. You start with life and daybreak, but when the day ends night always comes.

A well-spoken sentiment, Firimar, and an inspiring one. You've said much with little, and the imagery is strong. Thumb's up!

Wow, that is some amazing poetry.

i'm mad at you people...i'm nonstop on cottage and i read and look everywhere...i will never start to studiing and soon i have exams..
oooh, whatever in some verses i just find sometimes peace even if some they dark..

Firi: Your newest poem is beautifully written! It's so fluently to read, simply written and thoughtful. As heaven is a symbol for purity and eternal beauty 'Watching the sun sink 'neath Heaven's gate' is very nice imagery for the 'fallen from grace'. I understand the second stanza such as that the light is a light of truth, honesty, and everything good (perhaps the light of heaven) and that no evil can be hidden from it. I picture the light as blinding in my head, so this stanza has a threatening touch to it. But then, in the third stanza, the one who holds the light (and who is therefore hidden by the darkness ('voice from the dark')) shows forgivness and thus makes the reader hopeful.

Magnum- You flatter me! Calena- I'm glad you liked it Dur- *snuggles* I've missed you.

 

Of red, yellow and green

Brilliant splash of color

Far off vision seen

 

Dim roar of voices

Of words, speech and terms

Cacophony of voices

A separation confirms

 

On the edge of vision

And never understood

A bright and colorful vision

And on the edge I stood

I think your peotry is very interesting in its content. I like the peom Redemption it was very well done. I encourage you to continue your work as you have a talent for it.

I usually don't review poetry but I got caught up in your first poem for some weird reason.  I read it a few times and of course it is no stretch to imagine it being about war. Because of the reference to sand, I placed the scene on the beaches of Normandy and the thousands of dead that were strewn on those shores not so long ago. I liked the pace of the poem and the stark quality that you used. Not overly sentimental but saying very poignantly what you wanted to convey. Nice.

The poem Redemption is a bit different. I like how the whole poem is formed as a question and asks really a timeless question for all of us. If we fall can we be redeemed? Who has not wondered that from big and serious mistakes that are life changing to the small slights and hurts we may intentionally or unintentionally scar others with. For me it is an optimistic message because there is always the possibility of redemption.

Well I am not sure what inspired your V-D poem but I like it as well. It seems very appropriate for Halloween. I like scary movies and morbid topics so this was right up my alley. It has a story telling quality to it which makes it easy to picture an old crone weaving her frightening tale in front of a fire for young people. Kind of a you better stay in tonight and not risk yourselves out in the night. That is why it makes me thing of All Hallows Eve, like this is a fear for one night not all the time. Anyway, nice work.

Bury me deeply is beautiful and would make a fitting epitaph. The simple words convey the simple end that most of us should envision. I think that is a tendency for most to get caught up in a grander vision of our end and the rituals that may or may not accompany that end. Your poem paints a very pared down picture of that. Carving away all the unnecessary trappings the have come to symbolize death for a lot of people. In the end it will be as you say, eternal dark as our resting place. I guess that if there is something I would change it would be the body would rest in eternal dark but what of our soul. It is your poem of course but I was looking for hope for myself.

I loved your Poem, Grandpa. With your words you painted a perfect picture of him for me. I can see the cigarette hanging perpetually from his mouth, and the gnarled, ropey hands from years of hard work. I can see you sitting with him in barns with the sun shining down in the late afternoon light and almost hear him tell you tales from his long and no doubt interesting life. This is my favorite poem. I have known people like this and for me your words brought them back into my thoughts with a smile. Wonderful!